The great debate

While some people are debating the ins and outs of an economic stimulus plan, we here have been debating something much more important: Which collegiate sports football team will our baby be indoctrinated into emotionally attaching itself? This is the only sport over which there is a debate, and the one that elicits the strongest emotional response in me. There are 119 I-A teams, and I can find some way to justify an irrational hatred for everybody but the doormats. I love the doormats, especially New Mexico State (mainly because they have a guy who does radio broadcasts in Navajo, which kicks so much ass it's unbelievable), but being passionate about a doormat is a curse.



But of course it's going to come down to Mizzou or Texas. Sorry Dr. Krugman, you can offer PE Obama all the advice you want, but your fancy-schmantzy book-learnin' and Nobel Prize for Economics is no good around these parts. As they say, "You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't really pick your favorite sports team because your dad is insane enough about one team that even when your poopy diaper leaked on him he sat there for four extra minutes because WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PLAY IS UNDER REVIEW? THAT WAS CLEARLY A CATCH, YOU IDIOT!"

Sports loyalties are things you are indoctrinated into. It's like religion. Someone usually chooses it for you, and you just kind of go with it. That is, unless you are one of the few who converts, but that just makes for uncomfortable holidays. Conversions need to be done with care, though. You don't want to be like the guy we met on our "religions of the world" field trip in middle school, the pasty redhead named Ibrahim O'Donnell, who led us around the mosque. And you don't want to be the kid who grows up a Michigan fan only to attend Ohio State. It's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Really, don't we actually all know that Tim Tebow is God?


Natch, Ariane wants kid to be a Texas fan. This is the logical choice. We're here. We both attend Texas. Texas is a Program with a capital "P." It would not be cruel to cultivate UT fandom in Kid. And, at least to my perspective, you can be a UT fan in Austin and still not be like one of those moronic yahoos who are convinced Texas is the only place on Earth.


But... but... MIZ! ZOU! No, we're not in Columbia. Yes, only one of us attended it. Yes, they are likely to hit the skids and go back to suckdom while Nebraska goes back to owning the North [teeth clenching, vein in forehead popping]. But... but... MIZ! ZOU! Besides, I would love to see Kid become a scientist, and pulling for Ol' Mizzou provides a natural route, a "Gateway" if you will, to a degree in chemistry. And in Missouri, it appears you can do correspondence online and get that degree at home.


I wasn't planning on this debate being settled for some time, but the die has now been cast by none other than my mom. The deciding vote came in the form of a bib.

Oh well. Kid will be a Longhorn. No sense in denying it. But I will not budge on teaching my child proper capitalization, bib be damned.