Let's call it practice

Neither of us are sleeping well right now, and it's been that way for a few weeks now. Ariane is pretty much uncomfortable no matter how she lies, even if she puts a pillow under her belly to support it. I am still adjusting to sleeping next to someone who snores. That's not easy. We are both waking up a few times per night, and then I, at least, am having serious difficulty going back to sleep. This problem is compounded by the fact that there is a retarded bird that has decided to make his home in a tree right outside our window and begins calling every day at 4 am. It doesn't stop for two or three hours. And it's not just any bird, it's a blue jay. It sounds like a fire alarm.


For some time I have seriously contemplated how I could kill this blue jay. When Derrick was here last summer he had plans to off it, but never got to it. This morning it had me up from 4 to 5, maybe 5:30 (I can't really read the clock from four feet away without my contacts). Seriously, it's 4 am. I know it has a brain the size of, well, a blue jay's, but how many blue janes are awake and feeling randy at 4 am? Considering this happens every morning, I am guessing zero. Ugh.

I remember a couple years ago when a dozens of birds were found dead throughout downtown. It was mostly pigeons and grackles (this species, I think; they are the ugliest birds I have ever seen, and that includes vultures), so I was like "Huzzah! Dead birds, kill them all!" but somehow this blue jay slipped through the cracks. I see like ten hawks or eagles or something a day around our neighborhood (Derrick can correct me on the species), so can't just one of them take out this blue jay?

I have ~13 weeks of sleep left for the next five years of my life. I need it. Death to blue jays, comrades; death to blue jays.

Updated: I messaged Derrick about this, but he says he first has to deal with a screeching red-tail hawk that he wants to kill in Shreveport.

Seriously, we had to give up kick-ass dinosaurs to get these pests? We wuz robbed.